some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
