So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
