He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
