He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
