apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Less talking, more tequila
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
how does that bad decision feel?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
