You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
