I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i dont even know how to be here
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
