I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
