You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize