508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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