He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
