this beer tastes like vomit already
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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