She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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