The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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