What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
