i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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