he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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