drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
