I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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