my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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