I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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