I'm gonna have a badass scar
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
