Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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