Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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