Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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