i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
