Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
