My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
