dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
