The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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