and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
