Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize