Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
