I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have aggressive nipples.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
