just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
