I'm really into asian looking animals
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Vodka?
Forever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
