One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
