glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
