party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize