why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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