im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my poor anus
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
