"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize