All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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