She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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