Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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