I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
