Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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