normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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