Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
