My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
