Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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