I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
