Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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