I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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