She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
