My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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