I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
