you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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