saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
