I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
