well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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