I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
