I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
