bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
