You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
