Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize