Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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