Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
