the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
