I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
