You made me cry and you don't even care
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
