yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
