You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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