Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
