I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
