1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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