you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
