Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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