Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
