Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
