I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
