I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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