I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
