I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
