I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
