oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize