I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
