I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
