This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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