so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize