If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
