If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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