ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
