he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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