I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
