I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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