If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Even my vagina gasped.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
